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literature
Memory
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Literature Text
Though endurance all but owns me,
time marks its nearing brim,
you're still so far away,
our brief moments feel so slim.
But nothing could replace,
our every moment spent,
the mark you've left on me,
I could never forget.
Every smile for you was real,
every care sincere,
every feeling as true,
as every parting tear.
Embracing what's between us,
may make our journey long,
but every day is proof,
our feelings are just that strong.
~ 8/7/05 - 8/7/13 ~
time marks its nearing brim,
you're still so far away,
our brief moments feel so slim.
But nothing could replace,
our every moment spent,
the mark you've left on me,
I could never forget.
Every smile for you was real,
every care sincere,
every feeling as true,
as every parting tear.
Embracing what's between us,
may make our journey long,
but every day is proof,
our feelings are just that strong.
~ 8/7/05 - 8/7/13 ~
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A little something for my anniversary ^^ tbh this has gone through a number of revisions and though it isnt one of my best, I'm happy with the result. <3 If you catch it, theres even a blatant copy of a certain previous work at the end (which I may end up scrapping).
Edit// finally got around to rewording the last verse, still kinda meh but better :3
Edit// finally got around to rewording the last verse, still kinda meh but better :3
© 2013 - 2024 Umeko13
Comments2
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I like the emotion in this. It feels very real and heartfelt. One of your strengths in the poems you write, I believe. It also has a bittersweet tone to it, which I'm always a fan of. 
However, to be honest, and just to offer some constructive criticism; the last line in the last stanza feels grammatically off. If you want it to rhyme as you have it, I would change 'long' to 'longer', and 'strong' to 'stronger'. Grammatically that would be best, but I also think you could make it better by rewording altogether. I don't want to tell you how to do that. It is your poem. That is my opinion though, and your choices are your own. You get better every time you write. Keep it up, and I know you'll go farther than you think you could ever go. 
However, to be honest, and just to offer some constructive criticism; the last line in the last stanza feels grammatically off. If you want it to rhyme as you have it, I would change 'long' to 'longer', and 'strong' to 'stronger'. Grammatically that would be best, but I also think you could make it better by rewording altogether. I don't want to tell you how to do that. It is your poem. That is my opinion though, and your choices are your own. You get better every time you write. Keep it up, and I know you'll go farther than you think you could ever go.